Step families

Step families can be an amazing thing. I know this isn't the case for everybody [sorry if that happens to be you] but I would be completely and utterly lost without mine!

The only dad I have ever truly gotten to know was my step dad. As I've discussed in a previous post I lost my father at the age of 5 which is also when this great guy entered my mom's life, and obviously ours. *side note: my mom and dad divorced when i was 3 so less weird that i lose one dad and start the process of gaining another in the same year*

Bob has always been embracing of us. Not only has Bob always accepted us but his family treated us as their own pretty much immediately. It's unfortunate my mom and step dad divorced when I was 15 but everything happens for a reason. I disconnected from this father figure during the time of divorce and the couple of years following. My mom kept him up to date on me after I moved away for college but him and I didn't. After the passing of my mom we reconnected. I still remember making that phone call to him [vividly] telling him the news of my mom. He was at her house to be with my brother as soon as we hung up the phone and I'm so grateful for him.

A step family relationship to me has the potential to run just as deep if not deeper than a blood relationship. I have so much love for this extended family that anybody who hasn't experienced can't possibly understand. It's very different than the obligatory love you have with blood family. And there's an extra set of overwhelming fullness knowing that those people are involved in your life not because of familial obligation, but because they truly care and love you without all that extra stuff. My step family has absolutely no obligation to me or my siblings. My mother wasn't even married to the family when she passed. Which is usually when most ties of communication in a step family get cut off. Not in mine.

I would call my Grandma in that family while pregnant often to talk and ask questions. I was having a hard time connecting with other family members during that time. One's that were blood related to me but I felt were putting unnecessary pressures on me to do certain things with my life. I am so thankful to have had that family to turn to in those moments. A family that has never passed judgement on me even if I was doing something or living my life a way that I'm sure I would have done differently. I was never criticized. Only loved and encouraged.

My step father will be Viktor's "papa" or "grandpa" and I'm so thankful they each have that. My step father will be the man that gives me away when I get married. No relationship is perfect but I sure did get lucky to have someone that cares so much for me in my corner to support me and let me cry to him when life gets stressful or other's hurt my feelings.

Sorry for the rambling sappiness... An invitation in the mail from Bob's parents to their anniversary party sparked it. They added a little note to Vik and saying they were aware we couldn't make it but just wanted us to feel included. So now I'm working hard trying to come up with a gift to surprise them with that's sweet and sentimental since we can't be there.

Perception

I have found myself referring [mentally] to my step dad as my dad. I have spent my entire life referring to him as my step dad. It's interesting to me that at the age of 26 is when I have felt compelled to drop the 'step' in it. I know him better than my own father. He's raised me and known me longer than my own father. I mean, sure, we don't share any DNA but I think in a way that makes our love and bond stronger... 

Here is a man that has no obligation to me. Here is a man that was with my mom for ten years [from when I was 5 to 15] so he no longer is even my step dad by legal definition and wasn't my guardian when my mom passed away when I was 18. However, he's very much a part of my life and my son knows him as 'Papa'. 

I've always said 'step' in front of dad so not to confuse others about whom I was referring to when I spoke of one or the other. Although, sadly I must say, I have no connection to my biological father since he passed away when I was five and divorced my mom when I was about three. The man I have called my 'step' dad is the only father I know. And he's an incredibly strong man. We've had our ups and downs but the fact that he stood by me and supports me is a big deal. 

I also felt to call this other man my dad was disrespectful not just to my father's memory but to my father's family. I'm quite close to them and I know it hurts them to know that I don't feel connected to Mark. I have actually taken to referring to him as 'bio dad'. Which could be considered insulting since I usually only hear people use that reference when talking about a father figure that was nothing more than a sperm donor. Or in the instance where they were adopted. My parents were together for ten years or so... he wasn't a sperm donor and I wasn't given up. Feels weird. 

But I gotta say, it feels good to drop the 'step' and just call this man who raised me 'dad'. 

Forgive Me....

For I have not posted since June!!! Yikes.... In July I started a full time job and went back to school in August to get my credentials in Early Childhood so my time has been pretty tied up with that on top of all the other stuff a Mommy has to do!

Some updates:
I got engaged on Sept. 8!! While celebrating our 5 year anniversary. A surprise and a gorgeous ring. Been working on some wedding plans since.... And the Saturday following Thanksgiving I even found THE dress!!! Put it on layaway and everything. We plan on getting married in the fall, just need to find a venue. Blah!

Vik is now in daycare and doing great. His speech is blowing up and he's so so so much fun. I love it!! I really look forward to our play times together. He's enjoying school and making friends.

I also have a great Christmas planned for Adam. Pretty sure it's gonna be the best one yet for him. Now I'm just hunting down some good finds for Vik. I ordered a couple of puzzles, Cars DVD, a bag of trucks, a talking Elmo, and an Elmo book. I'm thinking I'm going to wrap some of the stuff a friend gave me [that are still in like new condition] so that he can have more to open. I think I'm also going to get him a 31" Batman. He's gonna love it!

Unfortunately, I don't have much else planned for Christmas for other family members. Oh well...

Par-tay!

Tomorrow is party day [I'll be sure to post pics later of that] and I can't believe Adam and I have been on this journey for TWO WHOLE YEARS!!! Yikes.

He's so amazing and fun. There are some days where I'm soooo bored during nap time that I can't wait until he wakes up so we can play some more. So I can hear him sing songs some more. Watch him shout out animals that he knows or have really serious conversations on his play phone. I adore it!! He's the most wonderful thing in my life. I've always loved him with everything I had to love him with but we definitely had some struggles together. He is a very strong willed, active, crazy little boy. It was hard at times. I'm so glad that we're over those humps. I know there are more to come, I'm not naive. It's just nice to have a break from it. It's also nice that when he's starting in on a tantrum we can ask if he wants to go to time out or his room and he'll sniffle/cry and say no and tries to calm down so we can work through this.

I love that he can finally communicate to me a little. We haven't reached the talk back part and we're working on getting him to say 'sorry' when he does things that hurt others which is waaaay harder than I had anticipated. But we'll get there. Now time to get some rest for tomorrow's big day!

I might be jinxing myself

So I might be jinxing myself with saying this BUT Viktor has been so much more fun lately!! We haven't had a ton of tantrums. At least not any that couldn't be easily/quickly defused. No unnecessary grumpiness. Talking more. Listening well. It's amazing!! As much as I love nap times the age he is at I sometimes am just sitting around waiting on him to wake up.

It's so fun to watch this guy grow developmentally. To do better at expressing his desires. To watch him get amped up is even more fun. Like if we're about to go to the park he throws his little hands in the air and says in a deeper loud voice 'paaaark!' He does the same thing if he's about to eat waffles or bananas. Getting him/hearing him imitate things is even more amazing.

I can't believe that practically 2 years ago I gave birth to this little man with such a huge personality! He makes me excited to play and teach and learn. He makes it worth waking up every morning. He makes me want to be a better person. He makes me care. Perhaps one day I'll print off these blog posts I made about him so he can enjoy them too. Boys are a lot different than girls though so I doubt he'll value them like I do. Or even value them like a daughter would. But I have a feeling my rough and tumble mama's boy will grow up to be an amazing man like his father. Strong and gentle. Sweet mannered but driven by goals and aspirations.

I wouldn't trade my house full of boys for anything! [now if only I had a photo of a family photo complete with our male animals too].

More birthday

I'm sure this won't be my last bday party planning post but argh! I had picked a day that I don't think will end up working out. Lame. Hope all the people who already said they'd go can still go.... Last year I reserved a shelter for Vik's birthday in DECEMBER! And now, with only a month to go I'm scrambling to find a place. I think I found a park that I like. But I need to go there to play to do a test run of sorts and see what shelter I want [that will also be available]. I also need to start collecting the type of items to have at his party as far as food and games and such.

I'm very new to this. I want the other kids to have fun too. And now that it looks like Mister Viktor's party will be on a Sunday again I'm going to have to factor in the church going crowd. Plus, give Adam's family time to commute to Greensboro. So much work. Sheesh. I'm not a good party planner. Why can't my friends who are amazing at this stuff live in NC?? *cough Marie, Eva, and Michelle! cough*

Thankfully the lovely Miss. Leah has offered up help too. I also need to come up with what kind of desert I want so Adam's mom can make it. She is the designated cake lady after all. Gotta give her some notice. Which I'm still undecided on that too. So I guess no more blogging and facebooking and time to get my butt in gear!!

Oh, and I think I'm going to start a new book series. A Song of Fire and Ice [it's the saga that Game of Thrones is based off of]. So thanks dear sister for the Amazon gift card you got me for Christmas that I barely used! Haha. I knew there was a reason I was being a hoarder.

Hopefully the next time I post I have a lot more planned for this party!! Whoo!

Birthdays

So this year has been a warm year in comparison to last. We already had a 90 degree day! This concerns me because I have a little boy turning 2 next month and we need a party spot. [Which means I'm sure I'll repost part of this into the mommy forum I'm part of to get some ideas]. I wanted to do something outside again... maybe not the same park but someplace with a good play area for kids, maybe get some water balloons and silly string for the bigger kids. Which I doubt there will be many of them... But I'm not sure who all on my guest list will be able to make it. With the party only a month away that also means I need to get some invitations mailed out! Yikes...

I was really hoping my sister was going to be able to be there but due to other stuff she won't be able to. And my brother won't be making a trip to NC at all this year [in preparation of his move to France]. So basically the only people at the party will be Adam's family and our friends. But I'm trying to arrange to see my family in July which I'm very excited about!

Well, off to research party places and poll people for some indoor party places for a 2 yr old that doesn't charge an arm and a leg. Sheesh.