Confession...

I think I want a second child. Now don't get all excited, because I don't want said second child for a little while. But how can I not want to duplicate my adorable, and silly, little man?
Since having Viktor I always said he was the only one I was having. That he was all I could handle! And he's a handful. He strikes me as the child that will [when able] climb a tree just so that he may jump out of it. This thought doesn't excite me. It makes me dread future ER visits. But he may prove me wrong... who knows... it's just a feeling I have. And how will I literally catch him when he makes his leap of faith while holding a baby that needs me?

However, I also feel I would be doing my son a great injustice to NOT give him a sibling. My brother and sister are all I have! I mean, I have my step dad too. Who is very much family! So you better dare not downplay his role in my life. But there are only two people in the whole world who know what I've been through and how it feels to go through it. Name me another two people who've suffered the EXACT losses I did... I bet you can't. It's not terribly common to have both of your parents pass away due to their own, ignored, mental health issues. Yeah.

I digress.... I feel my son needs a sibling. I'd rather just have another little boy. I love boys! Haha. I'm the only female in the house, though I think one of the cats is a girl too. I'm surrounded by guys all day everyday. I prefer this. I'm concerned I'm not girly enough to have a daughter. If I found out I was pregnant with a girl in the future I think that would be the day I would try to start doing my hair and make up more often. I would probably subscribe to some fashion magazines so I can learn more and pair these efforts with more communication with my sister [as if I don't talk to her enough as it is...]. I want my son to have someone to grow up with that understands how his parents are. To bounce ideas off of. To have present in their lives when me and his father no longer is. We live too far/don't see Viktor's cousins often enough. And the one that does live in-state is 8! I mean, what does an 8 yr old have in common with a 1.5 yr old? Not much.... Though they do really like each other, it looks like it may be awhile before any serious bond forms.

Like I said, don't get all giddy excited by this confession. Or even ask me much about it... This is something I'd like for Viktor and it's going to be awhile before I get my ducks in a row to add another child to our family unit. Assuming the time is ever right to add on! But I have to do what's best for the family I currently have before adding more people to the mix.