Expect the Best; Prepare for the Worst

I've had about two or three conversations now as it pertains to marriage/dating and an exit strategy/self sufficiency. The most recent one was with the boyfriend and I'm glad we appear to be in sync with the thought process.

The conversations have gone something along the lines of discussing my more recent [I'd say within the past 6 months or so] views to marriage. Not that I wouldn't marry the boyfriend today if he asked necessarily. I very much love him. But that the thought of marriage at some point has created a knot in my stomach and a feeling of 'but if I marry him I'll be trapped with him'. Which isn't at all true. I'd be no more or less "trapped" as I am now with having his kid and him supporting us while I'm the free daycare and pay on whatever utilities/groceries I can. But it's the initial response I've been having lately to marriage. Which I guess leads us into the concept of an "exit plan."

I don't exactly view it as an exit plan but as attempting to be an independent/self-sufficient woman. Yes, I realize I can only be SO independent working two part time jobs on whatever given night and staying home all day with my little guy. But my mother raised me and my siblings to be capable of taking care of ourselves. Sure, it's great to have someone that can take care of you but you just never know what the future holds and it's good to know you are capable of caring for yourself. Personally, I'm a huge fan of that lesson! Why shouldn't I and everyone else be? You just never know what the future holds.

But having an exit plan goes beyond that of just breaking up/divorcing/whatever. Now here's where I take a more morbid look at things: What happens to me and Viktor in the event that Adam dies? I mean, death is everywhere. I have lost my parents way before I should have and realize that you can't assume those you love will live forever and ever and life will be perfect. It's not like that. So what do I do if something awful happened to Adam? Well, with my mom's raising I know I'm perfectly capable of making it on my own. Hell, I've watched her figure it out! And while I know it wouldn't be easy I like to think my mom equipped me with a good mindset to go out and support just me and my son if I ever had to.

I guess I should also add that I don't allow these negative and dark thoughts to consume me. Actually, until these more recent conversations I don't have an active plan of what to do if things between Adam and I don't pan out. All I have so far is we'd be stuck living together until I got a full time job and can live independently. And that we'd share custody. In the event we both die my sister will add another kid to her group.

These people I've talked to almost seem stunned I think this way at all. That you can't go into a marriage and the like with the thought process of "what will I do when/if this doesn't work out?" But I don't think that way... I'm more concerned about unforeseen death than I am about ended relationships. That one seems more likely to me. Also, I will tackle what to do when/if things don't work out when/if it doesn't. So I guess that's where the title of the blog fits in. I prefer to say I expect for the best to happen but try to be prepared for the worst.

I feel I have typed too much while also feeling that I haven't gotten my full point across or all the thoughts I have on this topic across. Oh well. Hope it was some good food for thought anyway!

Sleep

Watching my son sleep has got to be one of my most favorite parts of parenthood. I love tip-toeing in there at nap time and especially before bed to just get a good long look at him resting peacefully. It's even cuter when his little butt is in the air or he's completely sprawled out. Ooh, or when he's got Adam's childhood stuffed animal just at his fingertips or laying partly on him. Vik definitely resembles Adam the most when he's asleep.

It's a really old photo but my pictures are not organized and it felt like a perfect place to insert a photo of my two amazing men. But even at that young an age you can see how similar they are when they sleep.

What a lame entry. One about a baby sleeping. But what do you expect? I'm home all day everyday with this little guy and when I watch him sleep my heart just swells with love for him. Can ya blame me? The kid is freaking ADORABLE!! I'm not biased at all either ;)

Now here's to hoping the boyfriend doesn't stumble across this and scold me for posting photos of him. He sure does hate it when I have a camera in my hand! Especially when he's being absolutely precious with our little boy <3 <3

The Intro Post

Well it took me an eternity but I established a blog name that fit. Seeing as this blog is about me and all kinds of aspects of my life [wow, I sound rather vain] it makes sense to name it after my little family unit!

I hope to get comfortable enough to share this with many whom I care about while still remaining completely candid. An added bonus would be if this thing is even interesting enough to check back in on.

I suppose I shall write more when it's not 11:30pm and when I didn't just have to feed my baby a snack to get him to go back to sleep. This of course did not happen until trying to let him cry it out. I don't know why we even bother with the concept when he wakes up crying so late at night. We know he's going to want to eat and he won't drink his milk laying in bed even with us standing right there! 


-Carla